Simplifying Life and Quieting My Mind

At the start of the calendar year, I made it my goal to prioritize my mental health; I wanted 2024 to be the year I overcame–or at least began to overcome–the mental health issues that’d been negatively, and significantly, impacting my life for the last few years. Mainly, I’m referring to my anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, which, as my eating disorder progressively got better, have progressively gotten worse. And as the latter, in particular, had begun to wreak havoc on my writing career, this seemed like the year to face it head-on, to put in the hard work required to improve my mental health with the goal of improving the quality of my life and increasing the productively–and enjoyment–of my work.

The year was off to a rough start when I was forced to shelve a book I was writing–for the fourth time in a row. I’m still not sure if the constant starting and stopping of writing projects that kicked into gear mid-2023 was because of my OCD, feeling unsettled in my life, or just being too overambitious in my writing–probably, it was a combination of the three. Either way, my inability to finish a project began to plant seeds of doubt in my mind. As a result of this–and other things that were going on then–the insomnia I’d suffered from as a teenager returned, and I soon found myself in the ugly throes of sleep deprivation, tired and foggy-brained and growing increasingly anxious about the situation.

My overarching goal for the year to work on my mental health had sort of fallen to the wayside amid the frustrations surrounding my writing career, and the insomnia almost felt like a reminder, a flashing neon sign pointing to my head that exclaimed, “Focus on me!” So, I decided to take a break from the writing, since it only seemed to be contributing to the problem, and commit to my intention of mental wellness. The sleep issues were going on three months by then, and I was desperate to get them sorted out. I figured the main reason I couldn’t sleep was that I couldn’t shut off my thoughts, and that if I could only quiet my mind, I might finally get a good night’s rest–and bring some much-needed peace to my life.

A peaceful, simple, quiet existence is something I’ve been inwardly craving since my early twenties, and over the last few years, I’ve been slowly, gradually making changes to my lifestyle and ditching old habits and adopting new ones with the eventual goal of achieving greater happiness and ease of living. This multi-yearly process involved a lot of trial and error, and taking two steps forward, then one (or several) steps back, but over the last two months, perhaps because of the place I’m in, perhaps because I was finally motivated enough, a lot of things I’d been working toward finally clicked into place. Consequently, I’ve begun to notice and feel a significant change in how I approach life and deal with stress and adversity.

For instance, I’ve had an on-and-off meditation practice for a few years now; but I’ve been much more consistent with it this year, making sure I sit on my meditation pillow for at least twenty minutes a day. As a result, I’ve recently begun to reap some of the touted rewards of the practice: I’m more mindful, less reactionary, I’m able to control and cope with my anxiety better, I’m more grateful for what I have and less fixated on what I perceive to be “lacking” from my life, I find more joy in stillness, and the small moments of everyday life.

I’ve also been mostly off social media for about a year now, and two months ago finally quit for good. Around the same time, I decided to see what would happen if I didn’t watch any TV or YouTube for a week. It turns out I really liked it–my head felt quieter, and I had more time to read–and have since stayed away from media entertainment. This isn’t to say that I’ll never watch another TV show or YouTube video, but I’ve realized I don’t need, nor want, either to be a part of my daily life. As someone who struggles with moderation, I’ve become obsessed with certain shows in the past, and these obsessions have distracted me from what I want to focus my mental energy on, which is primarily my writing.

And on the subject of writing, I have gotten back to it, but I’m making a conscious effort to be less rushed, to take breaks when necessary and allow myself more time to think through my ideas before diving into a story. Since my OCD is the most obtrusive when I’m on the computer, I’ve very recently begun to write by hand, then type up what I’ve written into Word (this is what I’ve done for this blog post, in fact). My OCD has gotten to the point where longhand is actually more efficient than typing; in addition to saving me time (and stress), it’s futher reducing my dependence on technology, challenging me to be more creative and contemplative, and restoring an enjoyment to my writing that I was previously lacking as a result of my compulsion.

Simplifying my life and eliminating the routines and habits that weren’t serving me has given me more peace of mind and more control over my thoughts and reactions. I find I’m able to go through my days more mindfully and calmly, not getting upset or anxious if I have a bad writing day, or get stuck in traffic, or hurt my foot on a run. (In the past, any of these things would’ve been enough to derail my entire day.) I feel happier, even when things aren’t going as I’d hoped or planned. Life, as a whole, feels easier, and my goals and intentions clearer and more attainable.

There are plenty of areas in my life that I still need to work on, but the positive changes I’ve been experiencing recently have given me hope that I’m capable of overcoming my limitations, as most of those limitations are created by my own mind. It’s been life-altering to realize that I have a lot more power over my mind than I previously thought, and that simply shifting my perspective on a situation can make all the difference in how I deal with it, and allow it to affect me. And it’s been immensely gratifying and exciting to feel my anxiety subsiding after over a decade of it more or less running my life.

As I’ve been drawing a lot of wisdom from Buddhist philosophy lately, it seems fitting to end this post with a quote from the Dalai Lama, whose Book of Joy I’m currently reading (and would strongly recommend):  “Happiness is not something readymade. It comes from your own actions.”